Cynical.

Hey hey hey,

This must be my lucky week! I get to write twice!

I think I've waited long and thought hard about saying this..but here goes.
I'm a fraud.
That's right.
A fake.
A phony.

I started out this blog in no particular direction but I found that many people were encouraged by it so I started writing encouraging things but in all honesty I find it very hard to convince myself of many things and I would like to practice what I preach.

So at the top of my head- Robert Browning comes to mind! I'm studying English Literature for A levels so I have spent quite a lot of time with the Cynical King himself. I have to say that a lot of the poems I read and.....write are all sad but that's the beauty of it, or so I've been told. Words have the power to make or break you and I choose to write words that break you. #soznotsoz

That being said, I call myself to the witness stand.

"What is the biggest lie you tell yourself?"

I'm a fluffy unicorn.

"No, really. Be serious."

Well you see, I have everyone except myself convinced that I am a cynicist. What does this entail for me? I honestly haven't a clue. But am I about to go around killing my crush or future husband for talking to other women or not showering me with OBVIOUSLY(not really) much deserved attention? Umm, stalker much?

Robert Browning is the most extreme type of cynical. You don't like me? That's okay, baby I'll just silently drive myself insane and then kill you. Simple as ABC. By the way- Google literally does have EVERYTHING.

Incase any of you were wondering...

Click on the link for some steps to becoming a proper 'Cynicist'

And click on this link if you, like me suffer from cynical assholism.



First and foremost- let me just point out that being cynical is a lot of damn work OKAY?
It takes a lot of time and effort to analyse people in the most negative light possible and AT THE SAME TIME pretend not to give a shit when those people reciprocate(as humans tend to do) and decide HEY what the heck? I hate you too, you little shit.



Secondly, as a cynicist beginner you start experiencing an interest in necrophilism and spend all your spare time- and eventually ALL your time cuddling with your exes rotting corpse.

Thirdly and the perhaps the most normal of all the symptoms- your phone has Heisenberg & co on speed dial and you know EVERY single girl on your lovers Facebook list by name.

Now, I don't know about you but those are all PRETTY convincing reasons for someone to cross over to the cynical side. However, unless you happen to be keen on bacterial AIDS and prison I don't recommend it.



My sister is an artist and I am a writer. Art in all its exquisite and creative nature is more appealing at a first glance. First impressions DO matter. This does bring me down quite a bit but then I remember Oscar Wilde.

“A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything, and the value of nothing." 

So yes, I am a cynicist. But not an extremist. 

And I am fraud, but I am most genuine when I write. 

Until next time,
XXO,
Sara Malik.

I'm just an Ordinary Human.

Hello my wonderful, fantastic, amaaaaazing readers,

So hopefully I haven't been away for too long and you haven't given up on me. I've been busy with my first exams at the new school so I was focusing on that.

Right.

So many times we hurt people. Generally the ones we love and care about. But oh my dear readers, we ARE only human aren't we?

That's exactly what every single person says.

"I'm only human I make mistakes."

The murders. The thieves. 

Hahahaha don't worry, I'm only kidding.

But in all seriousness are we really using that sentence to justify ourselves? 

Earlier this week I had a falling out with my best friend. The only person in this entire world that really, truly matters to me. I recall using that sentence to justify myself but looking back now, how pathetic was that? Pretty pathetic, I'd say.

But the thing about arguments and people is that it escalates when you decide not to accept responsibility for what you've done. Yes, we are ONLY human. But what does it mean to be "human"?

According to the Free Dictionary the word "Human" means;

1. Having or showing those positive aspects of nature and character regarded as distinguishing humans from other animals: an act of human kindness.

2. Subject to or indicative of the weaknesses, imperfections, and fragility associated with humans: a mistake that shows he's only human; human frailty.



If we argue that we are ONLY human for making mistakes then surely the ones we hurt are allowed to feel just as human and experience sadness, betrayal or even anger. And obviously, if we start playing the blame game- nobody is going to get anywhere. So don't. Honestly, save yourself the trouble and APOLOGIZE.

"Do you wish to rise? Begin by descending. You plan a tower that will pierce the clouds? Lay first the foundation of humility."- Saint Augustine.

Nothing is ever certain and depending on the seriousness of your actions you will be forgiven and things will get better over time. If your relationships with people are worth it, make them count. Say you're sorry. Make things right. If not all of the above, at least try. If you really give a shit SHOW THEM. Don't take a back seat and leave people wondering where they stand.
It takes a really hard fall for people to realize where they stand. Don't keep them guessing!

Until next time guys!
XXO,
Sara Malik.

P.S- L, I'm really really sorry.

Make Peace, Not War!

Hey you!

Have you missed me? I sure have missed you.
I can't believe it's been a month since I last wrote. Things have been pretty hectic. And I feel as though I have lost my creative edge mainly because I take all writing subjects and it feels as though all the words are being forced out of me. I write for pleasure. Not for necessity. I write because I feel words can bring to life what pictures and other things cannot. To be very honest, I don't even know what I want to write today so forgive me if this piece isn't up to the mark.

What IS Victoria's secret?! 

No, I'm just kidding. 

Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?

It's a bit controversial but bear with me,

If you've seen/read The Giver you'll know that it's in black and white for most parts because things like colour, race, religion they create differences. Differences in our day and time are not perceived as a bad thing. But that's just on the surface. What lies underneath is a completely different matter.

Differences cause insecurities. Everyone is aware that there is always someone better than them, with the exception of those extreme narcissists but that doesn't make them any less capable than those around them it just means someone else has a little or a great deal that they can learn from. What scares people is that they are aware of the philosophical take on religion. Since religion is man made and men are part of the physical world in which nothing can be certain-  how can one prove-let alone believe in the existence of God?

It isn't enough for them to believe. They need everybody else to believe with them. But on that note, how do you convince people to believe in something you yourself are not sure of? That's why differences are dangerous. Someone comes along with a completely different view on the subject and that calls into question the source of information. People, as I'm sure you and I both know are not satisfied with the answer of 'The Holy Book' because that itself is man made.

What people fail to remember that all religion is just a way of reaching the end goal- which is God and Heaven. If people do get there using alternate means- a.k.a other religions who are we to judge? As long as they get there. Whatever makes them happy. Whatever they want. It's a choice. As ungrateful as it may sound we can't chose a lot of things but the things we do have control over- I say we keep it that way. It's an individual choice. Don't get me wrong. I firmly believe in God but what I don't believe in is innocent people being killed under his name.

Although I don't completely agree with this, I like John Green's explanation:

"People, I thought, wanted security. They couldn't bear the idea of death being a big black nothing, couldn't bear the thought of their loved ones not existing, and couldn't even imagine themselves not existing. I finally decided that people believed in an afterlife because they couldn't bear not to.” 

But then again Elizabeth Gilbert says;

“I want God to play in my bloodstream the way sunlight amuses itself on the water.”

We can be easily confused by the multiple sources of knowledge we are open to. This just goes to show how incapable we are of making proper judgements and therefore, should NOT make any.

John Lennon takes the words right out of my mouth;

"I believe in God, but not as one thing, not as an old man in the sky. I believe that what people call God is something in all of us. I believe that what Jesus and Mohammed and Buddha and all the rest said was right. It's just that the translations have gone wrong.” 

Be lovers and not haters!

Until next time guys!
XXO,
Sara Malik.© 

The God Complex?

Hey guys!
Ahhhhh it's the third week of Sixth Form and I haven't written anything. I do really apologize it's been crazy didn't expect it to be practically like uni.
It's really overwhelming!

Anyway, by some great coincidence I am studying a poem in my English Literature class which sort of interests me. Do you guys watch Criminal Minds or CSI? It's pretty interesting to see how the behaviour analysts and linguistics team unravel what the unsub(guilty party) is thinking and why he is thinking that way to begin with.

The poem is called Porphyria's Lover by Robert Browning. The English is pretty simple but there are A LOT of subliminal messages in the text so I thought I'd share my view and I'd love to hear yours!

 Porphyria's Lover

by Robert Browning.

The rain set early in to-night,

       The sullen wind was soon awake,

It tore the elm-tops down for spite,

       And did its worst to vex the lake:

       I listened with heart fit to break.

When glided in Porphyria; straight

       She shut the cold out and the storm,

And kneeled and made the cheerless grate

       Blaze up, and all the cottage warm;

       Which done, she rose, and from her form

Withdrew the dripping cloak and shawl,

       And laid her soiled gloves by, untied

Her hat and let the damp hair fall,

       And, last, she sat down by my side

       And called me. When no voice replied,

She put my arm about her waist,

       And made her smooth white shoulder bare,

And all her yellow hair displaced,

       And, stooping, made my cheek lie there,

       And spread, o'er all, her yellow hair,

Murmuring how she loved me — she

       Too weak, for all her heart's endeavour,

To set its struggling passion free

       From pride, and vainer ties dissever,

       And give herself to me for ever.

But passion sometimes would prevail,

       Nor could to-night's gay feast restrain

A sudden thought of one so pale

       For love of her, and all in vain:

       So, she was come through wind and rain.

Be sure I looked up at her eyes

       Happy and proud; at last I knew

Porphyria worshipped me; surprise

       Made my heart swell, and still it grew

       While I debated what to do.

That moment she was mine, mine, fair,

       Perfectly pure and good: I found

A thing to do, and all her hair

       In one long yellow string I wound

       Three times her little throat around,

And strangled her. No pain felt she;

       I am quite sure she felt no pain.

As a shut bud that holds a bee,

       I warily oped her lids: again

       Laughed the blue eyes without a stain.

And I untightened next the tress

       About her neck; her cheek once more

Blushed bright beneath my burning kiss:

       I propped her head up as before,

       Only, this time my shoulder bore

Her head, which droops upon it still:

       The smiling rosy little head,

So glad it has its utmost will,

       That all it scorned at once is fled,

       And I, its love, am gained instead!

Porphyria's love: she guessed not how

       Her darling one wish would be heard.

And thus we sit together now,

       And all night long we have not stirred,

       And yet God has not said a word!

So basically, the author is her lover and he starts off by describing the setting of the poem as a metaphor for his relationship with Porphyria. The entire poem is about how he feels his love is unrequited. She's proud and rich and well...he's not. He knows that she'd go back to her world. The one she thinks she belongs in. And just when she starts showing him she loves him...it consumes him and he kills her. What a transition. From an ill-fated love story to a horrendous tale.

That got to me thinking- what made him do that? Obviously he was desperate to keep her and just when he might have won her over..he killed her? Can we really be so consumed by jealousy and control that we let it take over? Can people really not handle rejection?!

There's something about his speech that gives me goosebumps.. 

 "Her cheek once more

Blushed bright beneath my burning kiss."

He's clearly sadistic isn't he? He thinks he did her a favour and in a way you kind of feel sorry for him..you can see she's driven him to insanity that makes his crime justifiable. And is it really? 

Whenever I faced a difficult situation I remember my Mum telling me that God never puts us in a situation he doesn't think we can handle. But here Browning questions God's presence during his act of betrayal. What the writer has is known as;

The God Complex.

an unshakable belief characterized by consistently inflated feelings of personal ability, privilege, or infallibility. 

I think I've done enough content to fill posts talking about how we shouldn't add to peoples' misery. And surely enough, this is the perfect example. We've already established that humans are a fragile race despite their abilities to set up all kinds of guards and walls that serve as covers. So to drive someone to this sort of mind-frame must take a hell lot of effort. Don't be that someone! A really good teacher taught me that your inner essence is what defines you as you and you are already made up of so many different essences. Do you really want to add another essence to someone's angry and tortured soul?

No? :)

I didn't think so!

I guess what I'm trying to say is it's so easy to feel victimized or victimize for that matter and just like Browning turned the tables on Porphyria you can turn the tables too...and remember not to let the tables turn on YOU!

Until next time,

XXO,

Sara Malik. ©